Shoot 'Em Up

When is the last time that you delivered a baby that a bunch of criminals wanted to kill? If it's been a while, this movie is just the fix you need to remind you of that tumultuous period from your life. Even better, BOP fave Clive Owen will be the one portraying you in the movie!

Shoot ‘em Up has Owen portraying the world's handsomest homeless man. Despite being destitute, this fellow, the haphazardly named Mr. Smith, has a good soul and enjoys being a Good Samaritan. When he encounters a woman giving birth, he resists the temptation to flee. Considering that the delivery is occurring in the middle of a gunfight, his restraint is admirable. Upon seeing the prospective mother gunned down, Smith becomes the caretaker of the baby. He naturally assumes that with her dead, the baby is safe.

Big mistake.

For reasons that are unlikely for any baby other than Maggie Simpson, this child is wanted dead by villainous men. Whether or not she, too, shot Mr. Burns is up for debate. What we do know is that while trying to bring the child to safety, Mr. Smith meets the proverbial hooker with a heart of gold (God bless the Hollywood cliché), Dairy Queen (a fitting character name for the actress playing the role, Monica Bellucci). The two of them along with the baby form a post-nuclear family of homeless man, happy hooker, and target baby. Everything would be fine and dandy for the trio if not for the presence of Mr. Hertz (Paul Giamatti). He hates that baby and wants it dead. If he has to kill a homeless dude and a whore to make that happen, so be it. He's already had a birthing mother killed. There isn't too much evil-doing beyond that on the Road Straight to Hell map.

Shoot ‘em Up is a hard film to quantify. The plot sounds absurd to a Deep Impact degree, but with Owen, Bellucci and Giamatti on board, it seems like a likely success. Something's got to give. (David Mumpower/BOP)

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